86 Me

Stiffed

2009-07-06T19:59:00.003-05:00

As I approached the table to pick up the payment, the man asks me for a Diet Pepsi refill. I tell him that I'll be right back with it along with his change, it was his fifth refill by the way. I walk straight to the POS and order his refill and then hit the 'pay' button. The tab totaled up to $36.53. I count the cash that he put in the stupid check bowl (I'm still quite bitter that we can't use regular check presenters) and realize that he only gave me $37.00. I then walk back to return his $0.47 change as promised. I can't say it came as a surprise... this is what happened...

I was slow in that theater so I force started the table (that's what I call it when I go to a table before they activate their light up coaster). As I was taking their drink order they mentioned that it was their first time to HollyFood so I explained how it works. "It's just like any restaurant. I'll be your server throughout the entire movie. The only difference is that I don't want to disturb you while the show is playing so if you need anything at all, just use your light coaster to let me know. The movie is two hours and twenty minutes, I'll be here the whole time." After my shpill, I went to retrieve their drinks. When I returned, the woman had pulled a wad of cash from her pocket like she was Dennis the Menace and started counting it on the table. She began asking a lot of questions that ended with the word free. "Is water free? Are refills free? Is ranch FREE? "I knew it wouldn't be a very lucrative table for me. However, I made sure never to let her know that I was onto her.

Getting stiffed is such a slap in the face to any server at any restaurant but at HollyFood they have to sit there for almost an hour after they pay. The server now knows the table stiffed them, the table knows the server knows and it all becomes very awkward. The shittiest part about these people that did this to me today is that they had the nerve to ask me for a refill at the moment they gave me their payment. As I said earlier, I ordered it. I have no idea if they got it after that. If they'd tipped, I would have gotten it myself but they didn't so fuck 'em. You get what you pay for.

Team Waiting & Theft

2009-07-05T00:05:00.003-05:00

I've danced around this story but it seems to have taken a turn to soap-opera-town and I'm back into a blogworthy story.

I'll begin with the facts.

A guy that I've worked with for years, close to 5 years, was once again accused of stealing from the team. This is where it gets technical. He ran his checkout and it said he was owed $160. That means he was busy as shit and had mainly credit card payments. The tricky part is that it showed one closed out cash tab for $25.

I'll try and simplify this shit... if he closed out a cash tab, then no matter what math the checkout did to subtract tipout and whatever, he would still physically have that cash on him... but he didn't. His team noticed the fuck-up and mentioned it to our managers. The managers thanked them for it and said that they finally had proof.

Then, devastation and disappointment follow.

GM asks him about the situation but prefaces it with a sort of, "I have to ask you about this but I don't care" tone. The guy says that he doesn't know what happened and the issue disappeared.

The whole issue just disappeared.

The plot thickens... as every soap opera tends to do.

The guy pulls me aside this morning, after the accusations from the previous days, and he pleads his case. He seemed upset, wronged, and without answers for the lost $25 cash tab. I listened and almost believed him. I don't want to think that this guy that I enjoy working with is actually stealing from us.

The guy walks away and I think I was literally scratching my head when another server came over to me and said that it was ridiculous that the guy would even bring it up. I then left my soap opera world and realized that there's a good chance that he's guilty. That guy has been pegged for theft for a long time. It's pathetic that he wasn't punished AT ALL for this. Not even a slap on the wrist. Nothing.

In the end, I decided that I think he's a funny guy but I'd rather not have someone steal from me. And I'm ever-so-sad that our managers are letting this one slide. Come on guys, the proof is there. Wanna share your paychecks with that guy? ...I didn't think so.

I Can't Win

2009-07-01T01:59:00.005-05:00

Unhappy about my shift in the first place, I make the walk towards the front doors. Just then, I noticed a friend sitting on the patio at the bar next door. I was early so I stopped over for a quick cigarette and hello and responsibly refused to have a beer before work. As I left her and headed back towards those doors, I think I died a little bit inside.

I'm standing now in the last place in the world I want to be. The idea of drinking on a patio with my buddy sounded so much better. Then, the trifecta of bad news... I'm in a movie that I'd been avoiding, I'm training, and our two owners were in the first row. Ugh. I grab my tag-a-long and approach our HollyFood parents.

"It's good to see you guys again, we miss you around here these days." I introduce my trainee and make a couple of jokes (which are only half reciprocated) and go into 'HollyFood Rules I Only Follow When Waiting On The Owners' mode. Bev naps in hand, ducking through rows no matter how much it hurt my back, correct greet to any order I take in earshot of the big shots, then prebus, prebus, crazy prebus.

First, our key tonight approaches me, Britney. She tells me to make sure to use bev naps. I nod and continue with my shadow trainee right beside me. As we walk away from Britney, I tell him that bev naps are a rule but one that isn't enforced. I drop them because I like them. It seems like a slight reminder to customers that this is still a restaurant, they're not at Cinemark. I really wanted to ask him if he realized that every table we had greeted had bev naps before Britney reminded me. But whatever.

GM then meets up with me and quite rudely insists that my trainee stay with me. I try and explain the 2 minutes that my shadow strayed but he obviously wasn't listening. GM harshly but briefly goes over the rules of training and that my pupil was too close to our VIP table. I answered him in a very bratty and defeated tone.

Our HollyFood parents left without any complaints or their usual suggestions. GM had a good visit from them tonight and I'm sure he'll get all the credit. I never got any sort of thanks from the shit I did tonight. I made him look good by enforcing rules that 75% of the staff don't even know of. And I did it all without being asked. It's fine, that's what I do. I'm a ninja.

Server Cuts 101

2009-06-28T01:08:00.005-05:00

There is definitely a certain method to follow to either get cut yourself, or someone cut around you successfully. It's a tap dance.

The Rules

1. Wait until it's okay to approach the manager. Do not ask for cuts when there's too much shit to do. If you ask at the wrong time, the chances of them making cuts is not likely and you'll end up looking like an incompetent moron. You may as well be asking for cuts while taking an order. It's not a good approach.

2. Unless you're sick or you have an emergency, don't walk in for your shift announcing that you want to be cut. That only tells your comrades that you're planning on doing the least amount of work possible and tells the managers that you're not there to do your job.

3. Don't ask to take on more than you can handle. The last thing you want is for the manager to make cuts, you get in the weeds, and then the dreaded 'I told you so' speech. Ugh, that sucks. I made that mistake once and I'll never do that again.

4. If you're the one trying to get another server cut so that you can make money, approach them with a plan, calmly. Over excitement only shows them dollar signs in your eyes. Give them a rundown. Game-plan the shit.

5. Asking over and over will get you no where. You're hanging yourself. If you're that server, you're only pissing off the managers and they'll be in 'no-cut' mode just to prove a point.

6. Assign one person to be in charge of approaching the manager. Everyone constantly and constantly bugging them won't help you. I understand why they hate that.

If it's done right, everyone will benefit. The people that want out get to leave and those that want to be there and work, well they make their well deserved money. Most times, the server who's so eager to leave will do whatever it takes to get out... no matter what they need to settle first. Pissing off the managers with the wrong technique will only end up pissing off everyone else. I've been pissed off too many times. All servers everywhere... anyone who reads this... please... heed this advice. We'll all wind up better off.

Knock Knock... Another Opportunity

2009-06-26T20:27:00.005-05:00

A few times have come up over my years at HollyFood where my days walking that long hallway seemed to be coming to an end. I decided once that I wanted to wait tables for a cruise line and travel. I paid $100 and got a passport. Well, that didn't work out, I got pregnant instead. Then there was the time just two years ago that I wanted to go back to Hooters. That didn't work out either. They made it seem like they didn't like that I'd worked for the company before but I really think that maybe I'm too old now to be a Hooter Girl again. I'm kind of glad that one flopped. More recently, a rumor surfaced that I would soon be asked to work for HollyFood's Special Event department. I was excited about that one but I guess it was no more than a rumor. I never heard anything more about it.

The other day, my husband mentioned that his general manager had asked what I do at HollyFood and my husband (I'll be referring to him as Mr. Awesome from now on) told him that I wait tables and run all special events and have for the better part of a decade. Mr. Awesome's GM requested that I send my resume over. I'm planning on sending it Monday morning.

I find myself in a familiar spot. My imagination is freaking out as if I'm about to work for Saturday Night Live or some other dream job. I'm thinking things like, "If I get this, I'll make more money, be able to dress nice for work, my schedule will be somewhat normal, and of course, my frustration will calm down". I even googled how much it would cost for me to trade in my crappy boat of a car for a little red VW Beetle. I know this feeling all too well. I need to be realistic.

Truthfully, I make good money at HollyFood... but that's as much as I'll ever make there. I'm not going any higher up with that company. Any other job would most likely start out with a pay cut and that sucks.

I think that last sentence was me trying to be realistic. Inside though, I'm super excited. And the best part... I'd get to work with Mr Awesome again, doing something I actually like. Very nice.

1958-2009

2009-06-25T22:05:00.003-05:00

Today I drove for 40 minutes in an a/c-less car with my 5 year old son in the backseat spraying himself (and me, and the interior) with ice cold water as I attempted to drop him off at the sitter and make it on time to my 6:00 shift. We listened to the unfolding details of Michael Jackson's death mixed with a Michael Jackson marathon on the oldies station. After dropping him off and somehow successfully arriving to work on time, I found myself in front of GM.

"Did you hear about Michael Jackson?" I asked.

He replied a simple and annoyed "Yes", seemed he'd probably been asked that a few times already. I guess I thought that I'd be the one to break the news before anyone else. Afterwards, the dreaded Michael Jackson jokes poured out, as I was sure they were bound to. The random facts of MJ's last months were a big topic and I totally won that conversation after my time with my car radio but then I decided work was a sucky idea tonight and I got the hell out of there.

I have such an opinion of Michael Jackson and I feel extremely sad at the fact that his death is revered so lightly to some. I'm not in any way implying that I'm sitting here devastated. I do, however, feel that if I can write my frustrations about waiting tables, I am able to write my frustrations with this too.

It's a pity that people under the age of about 20 only know him for his legal issues. And don't get me wrong, I believe there's a good chance he's guilty, but that's beside the point. Anyone under or around that age have no idea how huge he was. They never saw the people crying in the front row, in awe at the fact that they were just close to him. People honestly loved him. Something should be said for that sort of presence. It is legendary.

And yes, I do think that over the past ten or fifteen years he has been leaning towards insanity. It's not shocking if you think about it. The guy was incredibly famous since he was a child. That sort of fame and the amount of money he had would make anyone crazy. I'm not sure what kind of person I would be under those circumstances or what sort of people would surround me but it would definitely make me crazy. Damn HollyFood makes me crazy and I'm not rich or famous.

That being said, it was a shock to hear the news of his death. Michael Jackson was my first concert at age four. Dirty Diana is my favorite MJ song. Thriller scared the crap out of me when I was a kid. I had a ton of Barbie's when I was little and several Ken dolls... and one Michael Jackson doll, equipped with a glove. I don't know how to moonwalk, I used to practice. My freshman year, I got a bad haircut and everyone called me Michael Jackson. What a horrible way to start high school.

Today is the end of an era. One that affected much of my life. Peace out Mike. Teach the angels to moonwalk, I sure can't.

Summer Movies

2009-06-24T23:46:00.004-05:00

I've seen so many blockbuster, Tom Cruise or Will Smith, summer hype for summer movies. I started in June of 2002 at HollyFood, in the midst of summer. I, unknowingly, walked into the summer of the first Spiderman, Episode II The Clone Wars, Minority Report, Road to Perdition, X-Men 2, Austin Powers Goldmember, Mr. Deeds, and the first Scooby Doo movie.

I've figured out a trend with this since then.

First, I'll notice a trailer before a movie. Next, I'll see a commercial during a TV show I'm watching on ABC or whatever. Then, it's summer blockbuster movie opening night and the HollyFodd lobby is packed. People wait over an hour in line in our lobby that's not suited for that many people, and they all do it in discomfort and anticipation. Opening weekend is ridiculous. I've figured out over the years that these people have become trickier... if they wait a week for the new movie they've been so dying to see, and go the weekend following opening weekend, they'd beat the crowd. Not true. About 600 other people figured that out as well.

This all boils down to the opening of Transformers tonight. My HollyFood is going down in flames, I can't imagine what's happening to the location that got Digi-Crap last night.

The truth is that all of these movies end up on DVD only a few months after their release. Then there's the rental hype. After that, they're on HBO or something. Then they're on TBS. Next thing you know, it's a Sunday Night Special on regular tv channels. Patience is a virtue... and cheaper.

The hype in 2002

SPIDERMAN: $407,706,375
EPISODE II: THE CLONE WARS: $649,398,328
MINORITY REPORT: $132,014,112
ROAD TO PERDITION: $104,054,514
X-MEN 2: $214,948,780
AUSTIN POWERS GOLDMEMBER: $213,079,163
MR. DEEDS: $126,203,320
SCOOBY DOO: $153,288,182

All of this money is sort of wassted. These movies can be rented for $1.00... or wait for them on tv.... The Transformers hype will pass and we'll be blessed with another movie no none can wait for soon. I plan on asking the line of people waiting if they'd like a drink to take their minds off of the money and frustration they're wasting.

Aloha vs. Digital Dining

2009-06-23T20:36:00.007-05:00

A few times before, I've mentioned my animosity towards Digital Dining. It sucks and I miss Aloha. Our store was the first of all the HollyFood's to get Digital Dining. It was supposed to be a trial run but unfortunately, it stuck. Believe me, I tried my best to get rid of it. Every little problem seemed like an opportunity to convince corporate to take it away from us. It's still with us because it is more efficient for closing managers and the few things corporate needs to do with our POS system. I guess that the servers who use the POS most often and need to be speedy never crossed their minds.

Well, today another store was interrupted with the crap that is Digital Dining... a day before Transformers 2 comes out. Good luck guys.

I feel that my hatred for this Digi-Crap might only be because I was so damn good with Aloha. I wanted to race people on Aloha. We never got the chance, coming up with rules for the race was sort of tricky. I digress...

The fact is that Digi-Crap is simply not server friendly in our concept. It has options for items we don't serve, any modifications we're allowed are now a bitch to type in and I swear the Grilled Cheese button moves twice a week. I don't know why the fuck that's funny to whoever is doing it, maybe Digi-Crap is doing it because it sucks so much.

With Aloha, every button, every modifier, every manager function, every split check, everything was there for a reason. It was easy, it was fast, and it made sense for HollyFood.

I'm not an idiot, I can use Digi-Crap but it makes any simple task much more difficult than it should be and in the end, I look like a server on her first day... I hope that the moronic decision to introduce a crap ass POS system a day before Transformers 2 brings Aloha back to my home. I'm still hanging on...

I bought this tonight...

Penis

2009-06-22T22:35:00.005-05:00

Afternoons are usually so slow that we run the floor with only a few servers. Today we did it with three, two on one side in their four theaters and me on the other in my four theaters. I was pretty lonely down there away from everyone... it was just me and my movie-watching tables.

The Hangover only had one table in the entire theater for the second round, it was four women. They ordered martinis, bloody mary's, and one of them wanted a pitcher of beer to herself. The conversation went as follows:

Me: "I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to serve a pitcher to one person. If you like, you can share it with someone here..."

Day Drinking Lady #1: "That's fine. Just bring me the largest Miller Lite you can."

Day Drinking Lady #2: "My daughter is in the theater next door, what time does her movie end?"

Me: "Ten minutes before The Hangover. However, the end of this movie is almost X-rated and you probably don't want her in here to see it." (she was about 12 years old)

Day Drinking Lady #3: "I heard there's a penis at the end."

Day Drinking Lady #4: "Well, don't ruin the ending!"

Me (smiling and pointing to Day Drinker #3): "I didn't ruin it, she did!"

Day Drinking Lady #4: "The last time I saw a penis in a movie was in Forgetting Sarah Marshall."

Day Drinking Lady #3: "The last penis I saw was this morning."

Me: "The last one I saw in a movie was in Observe and Report and it was bad. It was a very large, naked man running for about 3 minutes and his thing was so small I couldn't take my eyes off of it. I didn't know they came that small! It looked like a third thumb!"

I don't normally joke around with my tables. Maybe I was bored, or maybe I was lonely... or maybe they were actually funny people. I was really scared that the lady that had seen a penis that morning was going to dish out more information than I was willing to hear, or that's why I cut her off and told her about the world's smallest weinie. Either way, they loved the movie (of course) and tipped me over 20%. I guess I should start penis talk with more of my tables in the future. It seems like a good plan financially.

The Ever-So-Elusive Common Sense Factor

2009-06-21T23:38:00.006-05:00

There's no escaping an idiot. They're bound to cross paths with me and every other non-idiot from time to time. The threat of a disaster never pops in certain persons minds. There are billions of us human beings out there. Some blessed with looks, some with athleticism, some with book smarts, and then those minus the part of the brain that simply problem solves shit.

I waited to smoke for the first time today over my 10:00 a.m. shift until 5:30. It was hot as hell outside so I put it off as long as possible but still a bit refreshing. I like cigarettes. Upon the walk back inside, I noticed that one of the new guys from the kitchen was taking out a cardboard box half on fire. The shit was smoking and edges of it were red and ashy. If he had blew on it, it would have grown flames. Either way, I trusted he'd be able to take care of his tiny fire hazard and went inside to finish my shift.

Later, I'm inside the building for a few minutes only waiting to leave when someone tells me that our garbage can outside is on fire and there's a goddamn fire truck outside. The back doors were open for only a few seconds and the smell of burning HollyFood trash filled our hallway. It seems that this dumbass did not put out the cardboard box and decided to throw it in the dumpster. 'Out of sight, out of mind' mentality. I have no idea why that was his solution to the box on fire.

Even later, one of my besties showed up and asked me if I'd take a trip with her to her car... she wanted to give me a wedding present that she forgot to bring a few days ago. We walk out, pass the firemen, firetruck and hose... the hose that the firemen are now rolling back up... and make our way to her car. Afterwards, we find ourselves carrying a large present with a big bow on top straight towards the firemen. My car was directly in front of the incident. It was almost like were almost afraid that they would think we were bringing them a big 'Thank you! We're bringing you a gift for being awesome!'.... Then we put it in my trunk and walked back inside. It looked so much like we were rewarding them with a present. We thanked them presentless as we stepped over the hose they were folding up. Fire's out, dumpster's empty, and I'll be off in 30 minutes.

Ended up being a nice, lucrative Sunday. And once again, the building didn't burn down. For a second there, I thought that this guy who decided to throw fire into our dumpster may somehow demolish the place. I don't want to end up walking into HollyFood on fire like in Office Space.

Scary Movies

2009-06-16T21:14:00.012-05:00

I'm fortunate enough to work at a HollyFood location that gets mainly family movies or chick flicks but occasionally a horror film will grace one of our screens for a few weeks. When this bullshit happens, I turn into sort of a small, scared child.

The first time I noticed it was while I was working Darkness Falls. And yes, I know that movie is stupid and anyone reading this who enjoys scary movies must think that I'm being ridiculous. You see, it doesn't matter what is on the screen. I could look up and see a bunch of kids frolicking in a meadow with balloons and birthday cake and still be terrified. It's the music. You can tell something is about to happen when it gets super quiet and then BOOM, all hell breaks loose. Of course, during the quiet part of Darkness Falls, I noticed a table had their light on and I had to be brave and go find out what they needed. I walked down to one of the few tables in that theater. These people decided to sit in the front row, right in front of the screen so I had a long walk ahead of me. I had my fingers plugging up my ears for obvious reasons. As I approached them, I unplugged my ears and asked what I could get for them. They needed refills. Their cups were still full to the top with ice, only sodaless. I grabbed the cups and told them I'd be right back. My trip back out of the theater was filled with the silence of an eerie assurance that something was about to happen. I was shaking. I was nearly running. The cup once full of ice had lost half of its volume by the time I busted out of the doors which, coincidentally was the same time the BOOM struck. Whew, barely made it. Those people didn't get their refills until a daylight scene came on.

I learned my lesson. I'd use team waiting to my benefit and not work scary movies. It was clear that I shouldn't be trying to wait tables in there. I may as well been stoned. I'd give shitty service then too.

Then there was the Amityville incident. I was the closer that night so it was just me and the manager. I had avoided going into that theater like a champ. I actually called a friend of mine that had gotten off earlier and he offered to leave the bar across the street and come close out the three tabs in there for me. All I had to do was clean up the mess after the movie was over. I thought I'd be able to handle that. Though, it was in our scariest theater, number seven. Seven is farthest away from everything else in the restaurant, all alone. Once again, the fucking music got me. I went to clean as the credits were rolling. The song playing might as well been titled Murder or Ghosts Are In Seven but I was trying to act like a grown up and not run away from it. The song ended and I was still cleaning. It was silent. When I was just about finished, I heard someone call my name in a high-pitched, child like tone. I walked out of the room and into the hall, there was no one. I told myself I was crazy and went back to finish up and get the hell out of there. Then I heard it again, still no one. Ugh, what the fuck. As I was frantically wiping down the tables, the bartender walked in and I screamed and fell down two steps, bringing a chair with me. I must have looked ridiculous. After all of that, I laughed for a while and wasn't scared anymore. Apparently, it was her that had been calling my name but she couldn't find me. Maybe if she had called for me louder instead of in a Poltergeist fashion, none of this would've happened.

I'm not sure what to do about my issue with scary movies. As I mentioned, we only get a few of them a year but I'm sure to have an embarrassing moment again. Maybe one day I'll grow up and take my mom's advice, "It's not real sweetie, it's only a movie".

Home Away From HollyFood

2009-06-15T22:01:00.003-05:00

Someone recently suggested that I add a little of myself into this blog instead of solely throwing out stories of chicken and bisquits or the ridiculous questions my customers ask. By the way, someone asked me what 'frozen' means while attempting to order a margarita. God how I wish I could've responded with, "Are you kidding? Really?.. Is Ashton Kutcher gonna pop out and tell me I'm being punked?"

The truth is, my real life is the best part. I'm getting married in three days to a man that used to be my boss. Three out of four of my bridesmaids are girls I've become best friends with after meeting them at HollyFood and two of his groomsmen are fellow HollyFood managers. While all of these things from work that affect me so much have happened, I've been planning our wedding. It tends to go like this, I come home from my long-as-shit day at work and meet up with my soon-to-be husband. We sit on the couch, I'm always on his right. We tell our work stories from the night which usually end with phrases like, "I was fucking pissed" or "Can you believe that?" Just imagine the night I came home and told him someone shit their pants and the odor filled our football field sized restaurant.

After the work talk is out of the way (but always on my mind, I have a problem), the next question is something like, "Should we pick out songs for the wedding?" And then we fix that part of planning and give ourselves an imaginary check mark. Somewhere throughout the night, one of my co-workers usually stops by for a few or a lot of beers and we smoke cigarettes in our hot garage and of course, the topic of HollyFood is bound to come up once again. I then set my alarm for my shift in the morning. Well, sometimes it's an alarm for a shift at 5:00 p.m... I don't remember most of those nights. We have a tendency to stay up late when my son isn't at home and no early morning shift. Then I prepare myself to wait tables for the billionth time.

Of course I'm obsessed with stupid HollyFood. I've met people that I love there. My almost husband, my girls, his guys... over half of the guest list is from the HollyFood schedule. And I love those who didn't make it on the guest list as well, just as much. But we don't hang out that much guys, we're work buddies. Let's be real here. Or change that about us. Give me a call sometime and join me in the hot garage.

The Ultimate Verbal Tip

2009-06-15T00:15:00.004-05:00

Verbal Tip (definition)

a: a promise of a tip as the order is being taken
b: a promise of a tip if a 'hook-up' is acquired for the promise of the gratuity
c: a promise of a tip that will not pay the bills, such as anything other than money

Reality

Any of these situations, any promise of a tip, any hook-up, any dork mentioning a tip before it's actually time to tip... it's gonna be a bad tip.

The Story

A fellow server, Clarence, does his job and he does it well as always. Clarence is an over-the-top funny, friendly guy. He's no where near as frustrated as me... just a joy. However, I have to mention that he's a 42 year old black man.

As a table exits, they mention to Clarence that he had done a great job and told him they had a great tip for him. Raving service. He ended up finding a to-go bag from another restaurant with two pieces of fried chicken and a bisquit. That was his 'good tip'. He picked up the bag of chicken and bisquit and approached his fellow teammates. "The only way they could've been more racist is if they threw in a slice of watermelon!" I'd like to see him take his chicken and bisquits to try and pay bills. That's not a lucrative day at work.

What goes through the minds of people that would do something like that? I was once tipped in prepaid phone cards. Anytime I have to listen to a table promise a tip for anything... I know not to go above and beyond. I'll do my job and do it as well as Clarence, but there will always be those verbal tippers. Almost the worst kind.

A New Day

2009-06-14T00:23:00.004-05:00

My day started out quite strangely. I somehow found myself watching a video with GM titled Cake Farting in the office. It was repulsive. I didn't know buttholes could do that. Maybe this chick had something wrong with hers, I don't know. Either way, I'm getting way too deep into the cake farting video. No pun intended.

After that, I found out that one of our lifers was fired over the past week because our regional manager had never liked him. Weird. I had finally come to terms with this guy and now he's gone. There was a while there that his know-it-all mentality would drive me crazy. But now, I think I'm gonna miss his quirks.

Then the inevitable happened. Another server, Brent, mentioned the horrible comment that was posted about me. I began to tell him how shocked and hurt I was over the whole thing when I had to turn away due to the tears filling my eyes. Once I got over it, the conversation came up again with another server, Randell. Randell gave me the best advice and I love him for it. It changed my entire attitude.

Happy once again, I turned to take an order. It went pretty routinely. A four-top, taking their sweet time, and my handheld was about 50% functional. I heard Madonna's Borderline filling the silence. Suddenly, I felt as happy as I was when I was a kid singing that song into my hairbrush.

After all of this mess in my head from that damn comment, I discovered that my friends are there for me. Life is good again. I'm sure there will always be some tool that feels that saying bad things about people he doesn't even know out there. It's so easy. Anyone can be a hard ass and not have the balls to leave their name. Kudos to those guys. I bet their life is tons of fun.

Randell's Advice:
"Don't let people affect you like that. My new thing is, 'I'm gonna do me. You do you. Let's leave it at that.'

Comment Ettiquette

2009-06-13T00:15:00.002-05:00

Let me say three things. I understand that some have a difference of opinion, I understand that writing about my waiting tables job is pathetic, and I know I tend to seem a bit bitchy to my fellow staff members.

I had to delete the last comment because it gave the actual name of HollyFood. I never want to give anyone the satisfaction of deleting their horrible comment but I simply won't have our company's name on this site.

That being said, I cried my eyes out upon reading that. To think that someone I work with has so much animosity towards me to say such hurtful things... it was rough. My son caught me crying. I tried to play it off. He's 5, he fell for it... but I don't want him to see me with tears falling out of my eyes.

To whoever it was that decided to take time out of their day to bash me, I have this...

Please don't hurt other people the way you hurt me. If you cannot understand that I like to vent about my shitty job, then just be cool enough to leave it alone. I wonder if you feel better about yourself making another person cry... cry.. cry. I will continue to write about my shitty job. I know that it's ridiculous. But I bet you haven't worked there for seven years. See how you feel then.

I hope that I'll never have that feeling again.

Un-Official

2009-06-11T23:33:00.004-05:00

Today was my 7 year anniversary at HollyFood. It went unnoticed, unmentioned, uncelebrated. I'm left feeling unappreciated.

Managers always circle their anniversary date on the calender whether it be a mere 1 or 2 years. Servers simply are not as important. It seems that us servers are no more than an annoyance to management.

This brings me to my question. Why is it that the servers who work on the front line of the business as far as customer service goes are so dispensable and overlooked? If managers feel that their job is worthy of acknowledgement, why wouldn't a servers time and dedication to the damn place get the same credit? Especially for those of us that out date the managers we work with.

And let me make it clear that I know servers are a dime a dozen. They come, they go, they come back, they go again, they get fired, they go to another restaurant... repeat, repeat. But something should be said for us lifers. We know our shit and it's about time for me to start circling my date on the calendar, whether it's cared for or frowned upon. I'm going to make my time at HollyFood not feel like a waste, no matter what the reaction. Fuck 'em.

Breastfeeding

2009-06-08T21:04:00.005-05:00

We have these kid shows early in the morning during summer hours where the tickets are cheaper and popcorn is the number one menu choice. I can always tell that summer has arrived by the amount of babies I see sucking on their moms boobs.

It happens all the time, I think more often to me but that's beside the point. These women have no shame. They have the, "My baby needs to eat, too" phrase almost written on their forehead. I understand that but come on! Maybe take a trip to a private area or pump that shit out before you decide to take your baby out in public. It's dark in there, yes, but we can still see you. Especially when you moms turn on your light to ask for more ranch while you've got one hooked up, bleeding your breast dry.

I had a woman turn on her light once to which I scurried over to answer only to see her breastfeeding while she was shoving a slice of pizza into her mouth. It was like watching the Discovery channel. Food goes in, food comes out. And why did she feel it necessary to invite a server into this pizza party she had going on?

Another time, one of our customers was trying to breastfeed but the baby wasn't having it. The frustrated mother decided to take the baby into the hallway, stand under a spotlight and lift up her bra. She was switching boobs and everything, it was a freaking nipplefest.

It happened today for the first time this summer. I go to answer a light and this mom had just finished the feeding fiasco, she was now in the burping of the baby stage. As I approached the table and turned off the light, I looked up at her to see that she had not yet pulled her shirt down. I stared at her bra and asked what I could get for her. She needed more ranch, of course. The two sides I brought her earlier weren't enough.

Why do these women think this is acceptable? There are ways to get around this without making other people uncomfortable. As I said before, I know that it is a natural thing and they are simply doing their motherly duties... but no. It's not okay. Nipples are fully visible and a small person is ingesting fluid from a human body and it's disgusting. My new plan is that if these mothers are okay with making their server uncomfortable, I'm going to return the favor. I'm gonna stare right at it every time. When they ask me for ranch, I'll be saying, "I'll be right back with it" to their nipples.

It's Not My First Day

2009-06-06T23:45:00.003-05:00

I recently mentioned how I love preshifts but that we haven't had one in, well, over a year. I need to be careful what I wish for.

Another stand in manager was present tonight to fill in for GM. He was his usual mean, grumpy, all business self and I loved it. So many staff members that had never met him made remarks all night, to which I replied that I loved the guy. It's almost like I'm sticking up for him in a way. The only thing that did is cause these particular staff members to think I'm either on his side or a loser. Either way, all of these outside managers have caused quite a stir.

New policies are back now, policies that GM doesn't enforce. We're using bev naps, dropping idiotic advertisements in our idiotic check bowls... and yes, my once beloved preshifts resurfaced only to make me want to quit.

As my team and I are cleaning our theater, a manager walks in and tells us to stop and gather around. He says that he's doing his preshifts theater by theater and for half a second, I was a little excited. I still thought I enjoyed preshifts. He proceeds. The following phrases out of his mouth consist of things such as, 'you guys need to wipe out the seats, I'm tired of getting bitched at' 'straighten the tables' 'every two seats should have one table' ...someone kill me.

I decide I can no longer look at him. I glance back to the row I had just finished cleaning before I was so rudely interrupted. Every chair is wiped clean and the tables are so straight that you could take one of those fucking laser beam levelers to them. He's still speaking. Now he's almost threatening us. "If I have to hear this from my bosses again because you guys are unable to do your job then you're all going to hear this speech each shift we work together."

Dude, if management would execute these things on a daily basis then you wouldn't get bitched at when the stand ins visit. You guys got caught, please quit trying to place the blame on your loosely managed employees.

Preshift was good once. The entire staff was grouped together before a shift and sometimes actually motivated. There was no theater by theater shit. No one wants to be beat down and told how bad they are at are job, at least not those of us who already do this crap right. And yes, I understand that while addressing a whole, things must be mentioned that not every one is guilty of but come on... add in something positive or even something informative. Maybe tell the staff that we're out of Miller Light or that we have a fucking pocket sandwich on the specials menu so that we don't look like morons in front of our tables. Even a goddamn "Let's have a good shift guys" would be nice.

If I'd found a fork on the floor during this crapass preshift, I would have shoved it into my eyeball.

A Pleasant Interference

2009-06-05T22:24:00.005-05:00

GM was out of town today helping out some other HollyFood location with whatever. To our surprise, the regional manager came to fill in. I gotta say, I was sort of excited that he'd be able to witness first hand all of the nonsense that our store tries so hard to hide from corporate. It felt like when I was a kid and my mom yelled at my older brother for fucking up... priceless.

I walk into the managers office and find that our regional has pretty much set up shop in the most inconvenient spot possible. This office is approximately 8'x 4'. It's half the size of my closet. He's moved the chair away from the computer so that he can sit in front of his laptop. Another manager is on his tip toes trying to see the headcount on the computer screen. ...And the regional is on his cell, looking disturbed that others around him have intruded into his space. Suddenly it's his.

Later, he seems to have vanished. I hadn't seen him for hours. Turns out, he watched The Hangover with 5 other servers. My once high hopes... dropped.

After his movie, he plugged his earpiece into his ear and went on a rampage. Finally, what I was wishing for. All I can think is how he's going to fix everything. I had a radio as well so I was able to hear him as he pointed out all of our no-no's. Next thing I know, managers are making name tags, changing light bulbs, servers are cleaning walls and booster seats, the towel dispenser has lost it's long lasting 'out of order' sign... overall a productive day. I wonder if he noticed that pre-shifts are nonexistent. Good god, I love pre-shifts and I'd say 65% of our staff would think we were speaking a different language if they heard that word. It's been so long.

In the end, it was nice to have someone take charge. I miss that. Tomorrow we'll have another stand in manager, Bob. He's one of the meanest people I have ever met but he's mean on purpose. Bob thinks it's funny, I've seen him grin after yelling at his staff. I've grown to love this guy and I'm super excited to see him. He never seems excited to see me but I'd like to think that he resists my friendship only because he knows that I'm laughing at his audacity. Tomorrow night should be fun.

No Turning Back Now

2009-06-04T20:25:00.006-05:00

There are days that I walk into work half-happy to be there. I need money as usual so I stick it out. Then, without a doubt, another server wants to take the remainder of my shift. The fact that I've been there for hours leaves my mind quickly and I'm ready to do anything to just walk away and pretend I never even came to work. The insufficient funds letter from my bank can hold off for one more day. There's no one as determined as a server who thinks they are about to leave.

I then look at the responsible server taking the rest of my shift and tell him I'll start his theater, run food & drinks, last call, drop checks... all he has to do is pay out these tables and wait until they leave to clean their mess.

Then the inevitable happens.

Too many tables start coming in. Slowly of course. Almost as though they know that each one of them is making it less likely for me to walk out those doors. My fake smile comes back but even harder to pull off by now. They throw out late night jokes, 'It's busier than we thought it'd be'... I shiver inside. All I can think is how I'm giving up my shift because I WANT TO GO and now I'm dealing with people who can't even make it to a movie on time... (yes, every table at a movie theater is late for the last round... almost like they call each other and plan ahead to be late)

Soon I start to realize that it's just not gonna happen for me. I'm up to twenty tables that I'm willing to settle for the eager server who wants to save me, but there's no way the manager is letting him take on this much. At this point, I loathe myself. I'm still thinking of how badly I want to GO.

Thoughts of how childish I'm being are racing through my head. What is wrong with me... I don't even have plans tonight. Yet I'm dead set on walking out those doors, no matter what it costs me.

I decide to ask to leave, finally.

I tell the manager that I've done everything and there is still an hour before the movie ends. I'm on the verge of begging to leave. He gives me the okay and does his managerial tasks to clock me out.

I walk out the doors and go home to see that 'Insufficient Funds' notice. Dammit. I'll be the eager server tomorrow. I won't let this happen again. ...well, not again this month.

Optimism As A Waitress

2009-06-03T22:33:00.004-05:00

It was brought to my attention that I tend to bitch and complain about waiting tables and forget the good parts. This is true. I also bitch and complain after each shift to whoever cares to listen. That may be the reason for this blog. Maybe I started to feel that I had so much to say that I just needed to reach masses of people at once rather than whoever is with me each night.

Either way, the mention of the good parts (or as it was actually said, 'write something positive, tell about the best shift ever') left me blank.

How has this happened to me? Yes, I bitch... a lot. I am also incredibly frustrated with my life as a server. It is a shit-on job. Shit trickles down from corporate, management then shits on their front-line. We get shit on by kitchen staff, customers, even rich kids. Of course I lean towards the dark side.

Upon the best shift remark, I noticed that I had second guessed myself.

I then realized that I need not pity myself for the reason of simply ranting over the frustration of being shat on. I've had great times there. Amazing. Falling on the floor laughing moments, falling on the floor because someone thought it was funny to scare me moments, moments involving cartwheels, groups of awesome people that are willing to do cartwheels with me. The best of moments came from having these friends that I've made run a fucking shift with me and almost amaze ourselves. There have been times when we had sat 250 people between the 4 of us throughout seven sold out theaters. Times where we're so short staffed and manage to pull it off.. and we did it well. It's almost like we have a look in our eyes afterwards, in hopes that someone may have noticed that we were ninjas for an hour.

No, I love it. Absolutely.

I had great moments today... even though they involved joking around with my fellow servers about the ridiculousness going on around us. I plan on having more great times in the future... as usual... and definitely know that I will continue my bitching.

And The Law States... ?

2009-05-31T02:38:00.002-05:00

A Preface

I'm working with a girl that's sort of new but has never struck me as an idiot. She's still learning and makes mistakes but overall, I think she'll turn out well. It's almost as if I'm speaking of her like she's a nice pot roast I've been cooking all day, but whatever.
The two of us are waiting on 67 people. It's a cakewalk. As the movie gets within 5 minutes til the end, I ask her how many tables she has open. "One", she replies. I tell her that I still have six open, no one's paying out. I then rip my organized little sheet of paper that has all open tables nicely written down and ask if she can watch two.
Shortly after the movie ends, a manager asks why we still have two tables open.
Turns out, she just 'watched' them. She did not pay them out... and both walked their tab.
I asked her what she thought I meant from the conversation we'd had earlier and she seemed genuinely upset with her mistake... silent and doing the girl holding back tears stance.
Then the question pops in my head. Am I gonna have to pay for this?

A Legal Inquiry

Is it legally possible to ask a server to pay for a walked tab? I understand the reasoning behind it, a server could pocket the money and say the table walked or they just don't give a shit about their job and let it happen over and over... Fine. Write them up. Do the 3 strikes thing. Take them off the server schedule. Any consequence a manager can dish out is acceptable.

But in no way is it legal to ask a server to pay for a walked tab.

We are forbidden to chase walkers outside, they have plenty of exits to choose from in their theater, servers don't expect that guests would leave during the movie anyway but they do, and sometimes teammates are a bit off their game.

I Googled legal advice and soon after discovered that it's not free. Either way, there's no way in hell that I am going to split my income with newbies and pay for their fuck-ups. That's just not gonna happen. If someday I get fired over standing my ground over this shit, then so be it. At least I'll know that I was a law abiding citizen.

Behind Closed Doors

2009-05-30T00:01:00.002-05:00

The great thing about working at HollyFood is that every single guest is on a schedule. They all show up within an hour of each other, receive their food around the same time, need to pay out about an hour later and are due to leave when the credits roll. Done. There's none of that, 'these people have been hogging my table for hours' business. Nope. They come and go according to our schedule. Awesome.

The tricky part rears its ugly face in the meantime.

After the orders are all taken and the movie is getting good... servers (not me) tend to stand with their backs to the POS's and have their fun. Usually random talk that escalates into very loud random talk. It is the strangest thing. At no other restaurant could this scenario occur. These servers are waiting on sometimes 200 people but because all of the tables are behind 'sound-proofed' doors, it's almost as if it's POS Party Time. They only hush their conversation when someone busts out the closed doors hoping to find the restroom. It's very peculiar thing. The 'They're fine, I just walked that theater' phrase tends to surface often.

Personaly, I'm constantly in and out. My co-workers must think I'm on uppers. I simply cannot leave those 200 people alone. And believe me, I'm missing out on some entertaining conversations. Dammit.Either way, I'll split tips with 'em.

God, I'm glad I don't own a gun. I'd surely have killed myself by now.

A Great Loss

2009-05-28T21:52:00.004-05:00

Nearly five years ago, I remember a day walking down the hall and realizing that I'd made some great friends at HollyFood. On that day, I had about two hours to kill so to fill my time, I visited our no longer existing sidestations and made plans for after work. I thought to myself how awesome it was that we all hang out together and then get up and do this waiting tables thing together. It made the job bearable.

Our group once so large, has withered to merely a handful. These few of us have really stuck it out for the long haul. We've watched our friends drop like flies as they've ventured out into the real world, or HollyFood management. There's always a slight smirk of embarrassment towards each other as they go, we know we're not going anywhere. My small group of vets has become quite close with each other. Although we each have our own methods, we respect every one of them... each of us get the job done in our own way while maintaining professionalism and urgency. Such a tiny group now, but still an incredible thing to be a part of. ...But a thing like that never lasts forever.

A member of my handful recently got an opportunity. She'd be able to transfer to another HollyFood and have a full time bartending position at one of the busiest bars in our company. She'd hence, be able to escape GM who clearly does not want her there and not long ago removed her from our bar schedule... without reason. But she'd have to leave us.

She approached me with her predicament and said she was undecided. I told her that of course I didn't want her to go but that her choice was clear. We made a 'pros and cons' list and although I failed to mention some of the reasons that she should go, she still had more than not to transfer. And of course, that day GM indisputeably made our day Hell. Her decision was made. Her last day is this Sunday.

So farewell fellow comrade. I will miss the times we've had. The day we used a saw to transform a 2x4 into a Ghellar Cup... the fact that I'm so good at crossword puzzles that you never let me help you... digging through file cabinets while sitting on the office floor... our offices... the day you wore flip-flops to work... your box office days when I didn't know you but you got #1 on the 'Hot Girl' list and I didn't even place... Popcorn Mondays... game night... and best of all, OBC's. Let's keep that one going.

I'll be pouring out beer for my homie this Sunday night. Love you faster than the fans spins.

Shit Happens

2009-05-25T22:24:00.005-05:00

The day started out normal, nothing strange. I showed up on time for my 10 am shift, took some orders and cheated on my diet. Just another day.

Around two in the afternoon, I walked out of my theater only to be hit in the face with a more than unpleasant smell. I see several co-workers huddled around each other with their shirts covering their noses asking each other the clever who did it question. This smell seemed like there was no way it could have come from a person. Next thing I know, a manager asks if someone crop dusted the hallway to which another manager replies, "No, someone just shit them self in Theater 6."

Umm, that smell made its way about 50 feet without losing strength. Our little group of t-shirt covered noses and myself were on the other side of the building unable to breathe

Then a runner comes over and says that there's a dude walking around pant less in the bathroom. The group and I are having quite a laugh at the situation and now another runner, Tyler, has taken it upon himself to direct any men away from that bathroom. We couldn't hear what Tyler was telling these guys but he looked like a flight attendant using air freshener to direct them to a safer place to do their number 1's and 2's.

So we all wait to see who this guy is. He's been in the bathroom for a while, cleaning shit off of himself and he's bound to come out eventually.

Then he's there. Suddenly, what was once funny became very sad. It was an old, old man that was now standing in the hall with shorts that he had clearly tried to wash off in the sink but still had do-do remnants on them. I felt horrible for laughing now that I knew it was an old man. I thought it was some younger person that shit themselves. I wouldn't have felt bad laughing at that for some reason.

The cleanup involved GM and Tyler. I should mentioned that Tyler is flamboyantly gay.
The two are in there for quite a while and then out of nowhere, five horrifying shreaks fill the hallway. GM had asked Tyler to take out the trash at which point Tyler found the towels that the mess had been cleaned up with. I had no idea that a person with a set of balls could make such a loud, high-pitched sound.

About an hour after this incident, one of the servers that had been working in the theater where it all started came over to our dwindled group. We asked him how Theater 6 had been for him today. He says... "Not too bad, tips have been pretty good. But really, it turned out to be pretty shitty in the end." ...Nice one kid.

Speed Serving

2009-05-24T00:34:00.002-05:00

I was on a team with two others tonight, one not so fast and one not so good. We had about 30 minutes to seat nearly 130 people. As the crowd settles in, light coasters begin to shine in masses. This is common in team waiting and you just have to cross your fingers that your team will be there to help you out.

So I'm in the third row. I just finished one order on my dysfunctional, Digital Dining infested handheld computer and I'm headed to answer the next light when I notice that I don't see any of my team members in the room. I look down to rows four and five. They're lit up like a damn Christmas tree. I'm gonna have to speed things up.

The next table I approached asked for a martini in the craziest way and I probably threw the bartenders for a loop with the way I rang it up. I didn't have time to fix it. Go Go Go...

Then I go to a table that wants to be funny. I fake-laugh my way through and go on. The next light is a six top. The in-charge guy wants to order for everyone but has no idea what he's doing. The teenagers with him start shouting out random menu items almost as if they put a question mark at the end of every one. Cheese Fries? Spinach Dip? Fruit and Cheese? What do I do with this mess... I get through it and head to the next light. Old people. So old that they seemed confused as to why I was even inquiring what they were thinking about having for dinner. This one took a while.

As they're struggling to relay their order to me, I'm glancing around the theater. Still no team and I've got at least ten more lights to go.

This is where I have to skip questions I would normally ask. There's none of the, "That comes with Honey Mustard, would you prefer something else?" Or the dreaded, "I'll have a margarita" which only leaves me with three more questions to ask them which sometimes turns into three more minutes. I had to move quickly.

I answered the last ten lights as rapidly as possible while maintaining my server mentality. I'd like to think if any table did notice that I was in a rush, they'd see me hopping from light to light asking the same starter question to each... "How are you doing tonight? Would you like to start with drinks?" I have a bad habit of not changing it up.

I later found out that my absent team members were without their handy handhelds. They were having to take a few orders at a time and then go to the POS computers in the sidestation, where they probably partook in several fun conversations that always surround the sidestations.

A bit of a clusterfuck but in the end, a lucrative night. I'll take it.

Behind Closed Doors

2009-05-23T00:07:00.003-05:00

The great thing about working at HollyFood is that every single guest is on a schedule. They all show up within an hour of each other, receive their food around the same time, need to pay out about an hour later and are due to leave when the credits roll. Done. There's none of that, 'these people have been hogging my table for hours' business. Nope. They come and go according to our schedule. Awesome.

The tricky part rears its ugly face in the meantime.

After the orders are all taken and the movie is getting good... servers (not me) tend to stand with their backs to the POS's and have their fun. Usually random talk that escalates into very loud random talk. It is the strangest thing. At no other restaurant could this scenario occur. These servers are waiting on sometimes 200 people but because all of the tables are behind 'sound-proofed' doors, it's almost as if it's POS Party Time. They only hush their conversation when someone busts out the closed doors hoping to find the restroom.

It's very peculiar thing. The 'They're fine, I just walked that theater' phrase tends to surface often. Personaly, I'm constantly in and out. My co-workers must think I'm on uppers. I simply cannot leave those 200 people alone. And believe me, I'm missing out on some entertaining conversations. Dammit.

Either way, I'll split tips with 'em. God, I'm glad I don't own a gun. I'd surely have killed myself by now.

My "Rant"

2009-05-22T20:37:00.002-05:00

My last blog entry received a very upsetting comment and I feel the need to address it.

First of all, I do not work or live in a trailer park. I also do not work at a five star restaurant. I wait tables in a goddamn movie theater. These 'paying customers' that were held in such high regard are a pain in my ass. They tend to forget their surroundings and act as if the servers are merely robots without a brain. They walk around like they own the place, make ridiculous requests, behave like children, and then leave a 12% tip. And believe me, I would never let them know any of this. I keep my opinions about them to myself and to this little blog that I write. It has just made me a bit cynical after working in this environment for so long. Secondly, isn't it a bit unfair to suggest that my status as a waitress makes me any less important than the people that I wait on? I understand that a server job comes easy and anyone can do it. I mean, someone asks me for something, and I go get it for them. My 5 year old son could do it. However, it actually takes some sort of sense to be able to do it well and isn't that what every 'paying customer' hopes for? Good service?

My point is that no matter how much I complain or rant about waiting tables, I love it and I'm good at it. I love that I'm not sitting behind a desk all day. I love being the one making sure that a guests visit is enjoyable. I love that I get to work with great people with the same goal. I am indeed, a professional.

I rant out of frustration. The same frustration every server feels from time to time. That is my whole purpose for even writing this blog. I'm not here to try and perfect the hospitality industry, I'm here to bitch about it. Call it 'Jerry Springer' if you like, it feels that way sometimes anyway.

So Fuck You Mr. Anonymous. Oh, and don't forget to wipe the shit off your nose. You surely kissed a lot of paying customers asses today.

Cinderella Man

2009-05-21T22:19:00.006-05:00

This is the story of the worst shift that I've ever had

It was June of 2005. I was in one of our largest theaters with a team of 4 other people, and it was sold out. The manager on duty that day... well it's safe to say that he did not like me... and I felt the same about him. Gary. Ugh.

My team and I started out just peachy. The movie was Cinderella Man and I had good people working with me, except for one, Luke. Luke was on his first day out of training.

So it sells out and my team scatters to help the rest of the building. One of them went to help the struggling 18 year old bartender, two went to help other teams, and I was left only with Luke. I'm not even sure what he did that day, I never saw him after the shit hit the fan. Actually after that day, I would rather literally have to clean up shit that hit the fan rather than go through what I went through.

I'm now waiting on 230 people alone. I see over 100 lit up coaster lights, and I know most are just wanting to know why they've received their food before their soft drink. Instead of answering the lights, I decided to just go to the drinkstation and deliver all of these sodas myself. I ran as many drink trays as I could, as fast as I could. People were pissed, my team was absent, and I looked incompetent. I ran about 5 full drink trays and all the while, this one couple sitting right next to the entrance of the theater had had their light on. They were almost finished with their meal and still didn't have a drink. I continued to ignore their light. Everyone was waiting for the same thing.

I then went back to get another drink tray and noticed something wrong. This is why things are going down. We obviously had enough runners to run the food but no one was running the drinks! And the two people in our drinkstation were sitting there moving the drinks closer together so that he could fit them all on the expo line! Instead of RUNNING THE DRINKS!

As I fill another tray with drinks that were rang in 40 minutes before that asshole Gary walks by. I ask him for help, then ask him if he sees what's going on. He responds with, 'I don't have time for your shit right now'.

So fuck it, if he couldn't run his shift then I'd do whatever I could. I walked into the theater with another drink tray and lights still everywhere, and that one old couple still had their light on waiting for their drinks, right by the entrance. I stopped what I was doing and realized tears were now streaming out of my eyes. I went to the two old thirsty people and as I turned off their light I asked, "What can I get for you". They asked if their drinks were on the way. I told them that I was doing all I could do, I'd get them out as soon as possible. I even told them I was the only one working in that theater. I didn't mention that my team was gone or that the manager might as well have left.

Somehow, I paid out that theater in this whole mix of crap and surprisingly didn't get any complaints. I think that's the day I realized nothing worse could happen. Thanks alot Gary.

Gary is now GM of one of HollyFood's slower stores. Good for Gary. I'm just happy that I see him very rarely now. And needless to say, I'll never be able to watch Cinderella Man.

Language Barrier

2009-05-20T20:50:00.003-05:00

I can get by in the kitchen well enough. I've worked with most of them rather consistently over the years. Although I have yet to memorize each of their names, they know mine. It prints up on each of the millions of orders I've sent to the kitchen so each time they're unhappy with any modifications I try to pull off, they send the expo screaming my name to the whole management staff. Even so, mostasa, ranchero grande, joto, coca... have all become part of my vocab. I'm not sure that I spelled any of those words correctly but they didn't teach 'kitchen staff' in high school spanish.

Our corporate geniuses have since moved kitchen staff employees to our drink station. Seems like a genius idea, an idea I had a year ago but was quickly passed over. I thought it was great because we have all non-alcoholic beverages coming from one area to serve about 1,000 customers in only an hour and a half, the same as the kitchen. The only difference being that we had a bunch of 16 or 17 year old runners as drinkmakers and drinkexpo. They couldn't care less if we had 7 minute drink times, but the kitchen staff was used to it so they'd get the drinks out faster, verdad?

No verdad. They enforced the idea but we didn't get the good kitchen staff. We got the prep/salad girls that haven't ever interacted with the english-speaking staff. Let me give you an example...

I approach the kitchen girl in drinkstation and ask for one water, two Dr. Pepper's, and a kid Root Beer. Let's start there...

Me: 'Ok, may I have a water?'
she makes me an iced tea
Me: 'No, water please'
I point to the sink and refrain using the word agua. I didn't want to seem rude and surely she's had this request before. She'd been working back there for over a week.
Me: 'Sorry, no. Agua?'
I gave in, we still had 3 drinks to go and I didn't want to wait 30 minutes here.
Me: 'Ok, 2 Dr. Peppers?'
I got one Diet Pepsi.
Me: 'No, sorry again. Dr. Pepper? 2 please?'
I reach around to the last sticker on the soda machine. I know I should've just gone to get it myself but they get pissed now when you venture into their office.
She pours one, then another DP
Me: 'And a small Root Beer?'
She hands me another Diet Pepsi.
Me: 'So sorry again, Root Beer?'
I reach around the stainless steel again, just a bit farther.
She pours a large Root Beer.

I take a moment more to work this out with the girl, just to finally get a damn kid size, when another server comes up about to go through the same thing I just did. Good news for her, she only needs an iced tea. I take my drink tray, with each drink including the kid sized Root Beer and wish the other server luck.

As I walk away I hear the request for an iced tea, then hear the drink girl offer her a Sierra Mist. I chuckled. I was out of there... at least until I took my next order.

It's been a little over a month and it's still difficult to communicate. I'm not sure how productive this is. I hope I never have to ask for a Roy Rogers. My spanish will surely fail me on that day.

Less Than Lucrative Regulars

2009-05-19T20:07:00.008-05:00

At HollyFood, the customers don't exactly come to mingle with their server. They come for a very impersonable but yet efficient experience which leaves us that work there in sort of a pickle. I take this as do a good job, keep it professional, and yes!!! I don't have to do my fake-laugh very often. Still however, we all notice those customers that seem to visit pretty frequently and are a bit stingy when it comes time to fill out their credit card receipt.

We do have a few pleasant regulars of course. Of the thousands of people that come through there everyday, only two families come to mind that are a joy to see walk down the hall. Both always respond when the question, 'How are you?' is asked and leave a consistent 20% no matter what the tab. As you would expect any regular to behave.

But then we have the others. I'll begin with the lesser of the three evils and end with the nerve of the hurricane lady.

the hot-shot

He comes in without buying tickets... bypasses the ticket hosts up to the hall and finds a manager. Our old managers knew him from previous jobs but since they're no longer there, old hot shot has buddied up to the current management team. So he schmoozes his way into a comped $40 tab and only has to pay for his wine... to which he leaves a $4.00 tip. Sure, he brings the managers cases of Red Bull or the promise of a bottle of Crown (just a promise, no bottle ever actually surfaced) but his food is always free and yes, we pay tip out on that. Ugh.

the walking wine guy

This oh-so-clever trickster. He comes in and orders a glass of chardonnay. Then another. Next thing you know, he's gone. He skips out in the middle of the movie after his second glass of wine without leaving any sort of payment. This man has come in and pulled his famous stunt many times so of course, we started to recognize him and he stopped his shenanigans. He even started bringing in dates and never walked his tab on a date. We thought he'd stopped the nonsense. He did it again the other day. I saw him in the hall and assumed everyone knew he was in the building. Once again the newbies cost us... no one else recognized him and he skipped out... indeed after he had his two glasses.
I wonder if the 'right to refuse service' rule can work here. I don't even know if servers can pull that off, or if management would back it. What I'm I thinking.. no they wouldn't.

Which leads me to our next "regular"

the hurricane lady

Definitely, hands down, without question the most confusing of all. I heard about her a long time ago, before I'd ever waited on her. Everyone said that she never tips. She comes in at least twice a week with her huge sixteen year old, yeti-sized son and rakes up a $70+ tab and writes a slash through the tip slot. I thought that she'd probably gotten shitty service each time and I'd remedy it when I ended up waiting on her. I figured that people let her reputation affect their service. I was wrong.
I finally got the opportunity. I waited on this bitch like she was my only table. "Would you like another Hurricane? How is it? I had the bartender make it perfect because I've noticed you've been in to see movies quite a bit lately. Let me know if there's anything at all you need, I'll be looking out for you since you've been in often"
Uh-uh. $74 tab and no tip whatsoever. And it's just been downhill from then. She still comes in twice a week and still doesn't tip but she has taken it way too far. She's left complimentary notes on her credit card slip... "Great job Phil!" ...that was a $40 tab without a tip. She's tried to buddy up to the management like our 'hot shot' but she failed. Luckily, they don't like her either.
I became fed up. I've been forced to wait on her no matter how much I fought management on the issue. When she has asked for pepper, I gave her salt. She'd ask for BBQ sauce, I'd give her ketchup... the beauty of working in a pitch black room. She has even had the audacity to approach another server with a $20 bill and apologize for never tipping. But that was quite a while ago... she's way in debt over $20.

I have no idea how to handle the hurricane lady. The other two unfortunate regulars I can deal with, but this bitch??? Never have I had such a pickle. I absolutely despise her.

Believe me, I've done what I can. I've come up with a few ideas but I'm scared to do what I really want... which is deliver her the letter I wrote with directions to Cinemark. Any suggestions are more than welcome.

The Restaurant I Call Home

2009-05-17T01:03:00.004-05:00

I started this job in 2002. I had no idea it would become so life-consuming that I'd feel the need to create a website to write about work when I'm not at work. But here I am in front of a laptop... doing it again.

My Description

It's one of those restaurant/movie theaters where people watch a brand new film on a big screen while they're being waited on by a server. Full menu, full bar. A rare concept but I'd say a good one, if it's done right. I'll be calling it HollyFood from now on.

My Story

I started with 3 years serving experience (at normal restaurants) and knew nothing about the place. Soon learned that servers had sections, a sidestation with a soda machine and computer near each theater, Aloha (any good server knows Aloha, no need to explain), and something as simple as a normal check presenter.
I learned how to wait tables in the dark. Literally being able to walk through a narrow row in hopes that a sunny scene will pop up in the movie so that I can make my way through. I became a director (corporates term for closer, sooo clever) in less than a month. I have had to work in scary movies where either I'm insanely frightened or I frighten guests as I prebus. I became, I'd like to think, one of the top servers at HollyFood. To say the least, I've become sort of a ninja. And I'm not even going to get into my time as a Key Employee. Yuck.

My Consequence

I've since become incredibly cynical. Team waiting has arrived, renovations to our once efficient sidestations have destroyed any possibility of getting any simple task done. A soda refill can take up to ten minutes now, how do you explain that to a customer? Aloha left us only so that we'd be unfortunately welcomed with Digital Dining. And our normal, black, flat and two-pocket check presenters have turned into stupid orange, oval shaped bowls. I couldn't imagine what I would think if I were a customer at this place.

I've come to the conclusion that the members of corporate HollyFood must be so goddamn bored that they must actually sit around and think of ways to make it more inconvenient to wait tables in the dark. It's like the worse the idea they come up with, the more likely it'll stick. I'm still there because I love it. Though the walls have been repainted and some removed, I walk down that long hall and know two things...

First... I know what I'm doing. I don't there's a situation that I don't know how to handle.

Second... I love that building. It's been with me constantly and I've seen it go through so much. I've walked those halls year after year. Over the past 7 years, I've moved homes probably each... but I've been walking the HollyFood halls the whole time.

Pet Peeves vol.2

2009-05-16T00:36:00.004-05:00

server peeves

#1. When servers come in on their day off, I always feel sorta strange waiting on them. It sucks. Now they're on the other side of what we usually do together. Very tricky situation...

#2. Other servers that ask their customers the question, "Do you need change?" when picking up payments. Come on. That has to be the rudest question. It's like saying, "Can I have this?". Ugh. Almost begging.

#3. Chatty servers. Do you really think these people came out to have a witty conversation with their server? Be polite, throw out a few jokes, then get their order. That's all it takes.

#4. Automatically bringing water when alcohol is ordered. Um, it's hardly ever touched. As the server, please at least ask if they want it.

#5. Non-prebussers. First of all, it's sort of gross to not prebuss. When they're done with their food, it's essentially trash. They stare at it until you pick it up and take it to the garbage can. Besides, it's easier to clean up when their two hour old wing bones have already been discarded.

#6. Waiting on a computer. Hurry that shit up!

#7. The newbies that finally finished training and now they just know 'everything'. I just want you yell an inch from their face... "YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!"

#8. Messy server books. Paper mixed in with cash, rips in the plastic, servers that keep it in their back pocket... it's team waiting guys, that's my money too. Organize please!

#9. The pen borrowers. And lighter borrowers for that matter. Two things that never get back to me.

#10. The servers that get cut but hang out at work for hours after. Sure they turn their shirt inside out, they're totally descreet now, but what are they there for? They spend their hours after work at work... solely to distract the staff.

A Drug Deal In The Workplace

2009-05-14T22:26:00.002-05:00

Everyone knows it happens. We're servers for crying out loud. We work mostly nights, get off around midnight, hang out and party, then sleep the next day til time to do it all over. I understand. I'm guilty as well. I'm totally over my drug days because I'm a 28 year old in a 20 year olds profession but I can drink anyone under the table. Something I'm not proud of, but yet still true.

However, let's keep your vices hush-hush please guys! At least have some couth about the whole thing!

Tonight this fucking guy, the same guy I've actually taken time to write about on my little blog page in the past, pissed me off again. I'm not the only one that can't stand this guy. I didn't even see it... Let me explain...

I see some random guy in street clothes hanging out awkwardly in the middle of the hall. I ask him if I can help with anything and he shakes his head no. About five minutes later I pass him again, he's still as out of place as before. I decide not to try and help him again... his mere presence is freaking me out. I avoid him.

Moments later, I find out that this creepy stranger taking up space in our main hallway is waiting on one of my fellow servers for the purchase of what I'm assuming was coc. Also, that the manager found out during their convo and asked them to stop. The two involved took that as they should relocate... and moved to the end of the long hall to finish their transaction. At this point, another server overheard the phrase, "That'll be $120". The manager came over again and reiterated that they needed to stop but by then, it was all done.

First of all, we split tips. It's team waiting. I don't know how comfortable I am with sharing money with a guy that shows up everyday all coc'd up and doesn't like me either. And second, he didn't get fired. He didn't even get written up. A girl got written up recently for being 45 minutes late but drug deals in plain sight, that's okay.

See ya tomorrow sniffles. I'll get my Red Bull. Can I interest you in anything with lots of caffeine that can be found at the convenient store instead of your norm?

$2.13 and 20%

2009-05-13T23:37:00.003-05:00

Once upon a time, servers earned an hourly wage that was half of the minimum. Yes, it's been that long for me. At one point back in the day, minimum wage was around $4.26 and servers earned their $2.13 + tips... under the assumption that this 2 plus dollars would cover taxes and they'd make a living off their 20% grats. Since the olden days, minimum wage goes up, up, up. Servers stay at the same rate. Just not fair.

I have brought this to the attention of my state representative and the news. Neither have gotten back to me of course. It's been over a year. I understand that the representive probably couldn't care less about server pay but the news station really stumps me. I watch the news, I know that they get bored. They pick the most random things to fill time. You'd think they'd jump at the chance.

Let me get to my point.

As minimum wage goes up and servers stay at less than half of that per hour, we half to rely on the tips that good service deserves. What was once 10% for bad service, 15% for decent, and 20% for excellent... is outdated. Our paychecks are usually zip and once you've done this job long enough, it's tips alone to pay the bills.

At risk of sounding like the old-folggies... times are a changin'

I don't know how to tell the world that we need to up the ante for service. A 20% tip now works for plain-jane service... good service deserves at least 25%. Let's get rid of the 10% crap. That hardly covers tip-out.

If gratuities keep hovering around this old 10-15-20 percent mentality, all of us should make up some really badass picket signs. Let's see how all of the ridiculous hungry, thirsty, needy, rude, 'psst-ing' customers survive when they can't get their fifteen refills fast enough because of all the rookies...

All I need to do is think of catchy phrases for my signs.

Minimum wage should be raised and so should tip norms. End of story.

Mother's Day

2009-05-12T21:41:00.002-05:00

Without question, one of the busiest days of the year in any restaurant. Every family has the same idea... 'Let's take my mom or your mom or grandma or pregnant women out to eat today! It's genius! I bet no one has ever come up with such a brilliant plan as to celebrate Mother's Day at a restaurant!'

Ugh. Every year... more of the same... large parties with tons of kids. And of course, they're all stressed out because of the kids and the moms or in-laws or pregnant women or whatever maternal figure(s) they invite into my section.

Being the professional that I am, I try and keep my composure throughout these treacherous times. Year after year however, I fail to do so.

This past Mother's Day started out busy as usual and my team and I were dealing with it as best we could. Then suddenly, I found myself in the weeds. I always hate admitting when I'm in over my head but I know that only the best servers ask for help when there's just too much to handle. (I just want to clarify here that this only happens about once a year, probably on the same day)

So I ask for help and am quickly told that it'll be a few minutes before I get any.

Ok, new plan. Work faster.

The next table I approach is a family of four. I take their order quick, avoiding any extra questions I would normally ask. They ask me for a margarita... they'll get a frozen. None of this, 'Frozen or Rocks? Small or Large? Salt or No?' Just a small, frozen, no salt. Done. Let's go let's go... Then after I enter their order into my little handheld computer the guest of the day, the mom, asks if they can start with Chips and Queso.

I hate to get too technical about my place but appetizers are a no go. You want it, you have to order it first. I normally skirt around this crappy rule but I was in too big of a rush.

I apologize and tell her that if they'd like the Queso out as an appetizer, she'd have to order it first, otherwise it'll all come together. She quickly raises har voice and responds with, 'Why are you making this so difficult?' I explained that it wasn't me and that is just the rule in our concept. She threw out a few more snide comments but she still didn't get her way.

We're following the rules here Mom. I don't like it either but that's the way it's gonna be.

The help I needed soon arrives and things settle down for a while. I start to think about my 5 year old and how maybe I should be grouped in with all of these Mother's-Day-Restsaurant-Goers.

Just kidding. There's no way I'll ever be that way, I know better than that. These people never thought that maybe their server is a mom too or that this waitress is working and unable to be with her son to take shit from strangers.

I ended up making decent money this Mother's Day but not because the tips were great. The tips were shit, but there were so many shitty tips. It was more of the 'quantity' of the tips... not the 'quality' of the tips. Either way, it's over for this year. I hope I'm not still a waitress next Mother's Day... but who am I kidding.

12 Hours Later...

2009-05-09T22:37:00.002-05:00

...I'm finally off work. 10a to 10p, what a long day. My step-counter reads that I took 19,000+ today and I'm exhausted.

The whole day is a blur now but strangely, I can't stop thinking about it. It's like this every time. I've had long days like this hundreds of times but it's always the same once the day ends. I come home and either talk to whoever is waiting for me about a few highlights of the day or I sit and drink a few beers reliving it over in my head.

I'm sitting home now typing on the computer but I still feel like I'm supposed to be getting someone more ketchup. Some friends from work are on their way over and I'm sure we'll sit around and talk about our long shift for a few more hours. Then I'll go to sleep and have one of those dreams where I'm crazy busy at work. So busy that I end up walking around in circles in the dream. Then I'll wake up early and do it all over again. 10a tomorrow... and after all this going on in my head, it'll feel like I never left.

The Old Bitch

2009-05-08T20:39:00.005-05:00

Lately it seems that about four out of five shifts a week, I am destined have an issue with someone. Without question, something happens. I get pissed and I yell at someone... co-workers of course. If I could yell at the customers then my blog would be much more entertaining. This all seems so out of character for me, I'm nice! I actually try really hard all of the time to be nice. (I try really hard to be cool too but that's a whole other topic)

Today I worked an event that was supposed to have 60 people attending. I was scheduled 45 minutes before the guests arrived and the other two staff members were schedule 15 minutes before arrival. During that lonely 30 minutes, I moved a six foot piece of wood down a hallway of about 23 yards... and later back. I carried 2 heavy lexans of sodas to set up a drinkstation... and later moved those back. I got the room in order and then cleaned up their mess, and stayed for the entire event... a little over 2 hours.

The other 2 showed up for work and pretty much everything was done. I asked if they could both make some popcorn baskets so I guess they spent about 20 minutes actually working... without sweating like I was after all of that heavy crap I had to move around.

This 60 person event ended up only having 26 people. Those two got cut after less than an hour. I stayed... and cleaned.

If you're still with me after all of this boring work talk, you've reached the good part

One of the two servers that got cut was back up at work a few hours later. He noticed that I was entering a $50 tip from the event that flopped earlier and wanted a cut.

I went off. Who the hell would consider asking for a part of that tip? He didn't do any work (other than fill popcorn baskets) and he left! He was clocked in at $10 per hour! How could this 'tard feel that in any way he deserved even a cent of that tip? Am I wrong for thinking that working my ass off and sweating in doing so warrents the grat left? Should I have split it with someone who was only there a fourth of the time? By the way he mentioned he should've been included in the gratuity because he had to be at work early. That doesn't even make sense. So did I, and I worked at work. Unlike he ever does while he's on the clock.

So once again, I yelled at someone. I told him how I thought it was pretty shitty to expect the person that showed up earlier and stayed later and did all of the setup and cleanup to split the grat. I raised my voice. I used bad words. But what I really wanted to say (but didn't) was that I know he's used to slacking off while earning money from those who are busy for hours. There was no way in hell that was gonna happen in this situation. God forbid I'm ever on his team again. He's gonna steal from me in a heartbeat. I'm sure he has a coc habit to support.

So there I go again. I'm the 'Old Bitch' at work. I'm just used to a different time there. I like following rules and those rules have changed so many times that I'm still stuck on the old ones. I also follow the rules of common decency. Most don't seem to know anything about that anymore.

Pet Peeves vol. 1

2009-05-05T23:42:00.004-05:00

#1. Customer jokes. I'm so tired of fake laughing, I'm not even good at it. The worst is the first guest to walk in to an empty theater and ask their party, 'Do you think we'll be able to find a seat?'. Ugh, I've heard that over and over.

#2. Weird ice people. No ice, extra ice, easy ice... it's ridiculous. A guy once asked me for specifically 6 cubes.

#3. The 'in charge' person. The one that tries to order for everyone but doesn't know what everyone wants. The couple on their first date falls into this category as well. The guy always thinks he should order for the girl but never does it right. Without fail, she'll interupt him or they both start talking over each other. What a horrible way to start a relationship. If they'd both just shut up and let me ask the questions then they'd probably end up happily ever after.

#4. The close talkers. I do not want to know what they ate by the smell of their breath.

#5. Snappers. I really hate it when people snap at me. It's incredibly rude. Come to think of it, I don't like it when people grab me either. And I don't even want to get into the whole 'psst' bullshit.

#6. I can't stand it when I take an order and the guest ends with, 'And what was your name?'. I'm not here to befriend these people. My relationship with these crazies simply consists of a food and beverage conversation. That is my only interest. We don't need to be on a first name basis. And besides, I wear a nametag.

#7. Nametags. I think they're sort of demeaning.

#8. People who can't find the bathroom and/or exit. At least look for it first. A woman once asked me where the exit was while her hands were on a door that reads 'EXIT EXIT'. Are you kidding me?

#9. Parents who let their kids order for themselves. I know that they're trying to teach their kids social skills, but if the kid can't do it, the kid can't do it. I have a job to do... let's speed this up.

#10. Stupidity. Again, I had someone ask me the difference between a fried and grilled piece of chicken. I've had people ask me what size a 20 ounce drink is. I've had people ask me how many fries come in an order. Someone once asked me what 'frozen' means. People order Tobacco Wings on a regular basis. They're Tabasco Wings... nicotine free.

#11. Ordering water with alcohol. 90% of the time it goes untouched.

#12. Writing zeros in the tip slot. As if not leaving a tip wasn't bad enough. It's salt on the wound.

#13. Split tabs. The worst is when it's two people who both had the same thing and they're paying cash. Come on, the check is itemized.

#14. People who pay in change. I guess it's somewhat acceptable for teenagers but not adults. I had a grown ass woman pull out a ziplock bag of change while I patiently watched her count out coins. She got down to pennies, forty cents worth. Needless to say, she didn't tip.

#15. Those who don't know when it's time to go. Servers and runners can be cleaning all around but they feel it's fine to stick around in the mess they've made. Of course it's usually a group of wannabe cougars on their 'Girls Night Out' that feel like they own the place. And the worst part... someone finally asks them to step out and the inevitable joke sparks up... 'Oooh girls, we're getting kicked out'. Almost like they're trying to relive their hayday.

Maybe I'm cynical. It's hard not to be when this shit happens day after day.

The Bests

2009-05-05T03:34:00.002-05:00

Managing a restaurant must be rough. I've had a glimpse and decided that's no life for me. Over the years, I'd say I've worked for about 30 different restaurant managers and of course, I've judged each and every one of them. These people determine my income with the decisions they make and determine if my shift will suck ass or not. So I judge.

While working at Hooters, I dealt with creepy bosses and all that's expected from a dude that decided to be a manager at Hooters... BUT I had the opportunity to work for a man that was such a bad ass. He knew who his strong servers were and who his loyal severs were. He'd bend corporate rules when he knew they weren't necessary. He didn't reward the druggie girls that could get through a shift but were high, high, high. And the best part of all, he motivated the whole staff. He gave speaches every day. And yes, sometimes repetitive ones, but still inspiring. Ugh, I miss starting a shift like that.

Since my Hooters General Manager set the bar, I've found only a few managers that I respond to well. It's amazing when you realize that the manager is 'owning' his shift without making the staff suffer.

I guess an 'In Conclusion' is appropriate here.

In conclusion, the best managers I've had have contained composure no matter what. They've motivated, communicated, been proactive, backed their staff, ran their shift, dealt with customer complaints... and never had a server handle that complaint. A good manager never shows stress, because if the manager stresses that gives the staff a reason too. The manager needs to have an answer for everything.

So few and far between. I've seen it, I've worked for it... It's like looking for a pearl in an oyster... you only get lucky sometimes.

Power Outage

2009-05-02T23:14:00.005-05:00

It's pretty annoying when the power goes out at home. I can't watch television, I have to walk around in the dark silence, and that alarm I rely on everyday will need to be reset... but there's no way I'll remember that until I show up late to work because it never went off.

So everything seems to be going fine. People are eating and seem to be having a good time. No one has been too obnoxiously rude (yet) and I have an awesome team working with me. Then the lights start to flicker. Next thing I know, the screens are cutting in and out and the volume is all weird. The guests, once quite pleasant, now seem to be wondering what I'm doing to the lights, as if they didn't notice the monsoon they drove through to get here.

I figure at this point it's in God's hands. Well, God's and the management. They'll probably have a lot to deal with after all this mess.

So things are looking pretty grim. Then I find out that the computers have crashed, but not just crashed, they're fried. There's no telling how long it will be before they come back up. All servers were instructed not to take any more orders until the system comes back to life.

Hmm... what should I tell these people.

First attempt: A man asks me for Cheese Fries. I tell him that because of the electricity on the blink, our computers have shut down and we can't order anything until they work again to which he responds, "I didn't know the computers made the Cheese Fries". Asshole. And his joke wasn't even funny.

Second attempt: A woman asks me for a Sundae. I ask her if she remembers when the lights flickered, maybe this approach will work. She nods and I let her know it's a 'no go' on the Sundae. Her and her friend have a good laugh. Not that they thought the situation was funny, it was a different kind of laugh. Like they were laughing at my incompetence. They seemed to think I was making an excuse for not knowing how to order dessert or something.

Third attempt: A man asks one of my coworkers for Burger Bites. I'm not sure what she told him but his response was directed at his date, "I guess the computers make the Burger Bites, too". It was that same creep I spoke with earlier.

So this is a mess. And all the while, we had no way of printing out anyone's tab for them to pay.

Time just keeps ticking and getting closer and closer to when every guest is going to leave. Servers were just standing around with black POS screens behind them and no work to do.

Sure enough, the system comes back up with just 10 minutes before our 100 customers were going to rush out. My team and I managed to pay out 50 tables in 5 minutes. What started as God's and the managers problem had now been shoved onto us. I had spent the past hour standing bored. Unable to work but stuck at work. And unable to smoke, the 'No smoking between 6:00 and 9:00' rule was still in effect.

All is done and we had no walked checks, just a bunch of stressed out servers. I almost wish the computers never came back.

The next time the power goes out at home, I really going to enjoy the peace and quiet. I actually can't wait for it. Maybe I'll skip this month's electric bill.

A Mom, A Fiancee, and a Waitress

2009-04-30T22:49:00.002-05:00

Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing waiting tables as a 28 year old woman. I started this madness at 18 years old and fell in love with being super busy at work and the insta-cash I walk away with after each shift.

But now look where I am. I'm older than most of the people I work with and I get frustrated when the 18 year olds can't do their job. I was that way once. I was the brand new waitress among people who'd done it for year after year.

I remember when I started waiting tables. I was a Hooter Girl for the first three years. I skipped college because I hated high school and didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up so why waste more time in school. Found something I thought would be temporary and ended up making a career out of it.

Sometimes when I go out to eat and notice that I have an older person waiting on me, not a teenager, I wonder if they too have the same story as me. I ask myself if they too didn't know at first what they wanted and actually liked waiting tables. I wonder if they felt stuck as well.

Honestly, it's easy to be good at it if you try to be. If you care that someone didn't get enough ketchup or care that you have the ability to ruin someones night out, than it's an easy job to do.
I've got all of that.

So upon feeling depressed about my past ten years, I thought about all that's surrounded my apron wearing, spilt drink, ponytail'd, 10,000 stepped days. I realized that while I've spent so much time waiting tables, I've had a pretty good life. Despite all that time I'd venture to say may have been a waste and may even have numbed my mind... I am proud of who I've become and all I've accomplished.

I've had a son while working as a waitress and somehow managed to raise a child I'm proud of. I'm now engaged to a man that I am so inspired by. I'm able to support myself and my son on the money I make serving. Maybe I don't have a career that I'm proud of. Let's face it, I can't walk into a group of suits and impress them with how many orders I memorize. But I'm good at what I do and I doubt those suits could do it as well.

Maybe someday I'll find my niche. For now, I'm okay with my status as just a waitress.

If Only I Could Do It Over

2009-04-28T13:54:00.004-05:00

A slow Sunday afternoon can actually make me stupider. Without much going on, my body goes into autopilot and the next thing you know, I'm just going through the motions without thinking about what I'm doing at all.

But this slow Sunday in particular... was different.

First round comes and goes without me remembering it even happened. Second round, more of the same. I'm waiting on the kind of people that want nothing to do with me. It's almost as if they wouldn't mind going to get their own food and drinks to avoid talking to me. These are the kind of people that when you ask, "How are you doing today?" they respond with "One Pepsi, one water, and a cheeseburger". Ugh, as if I didn't already feel a tad bit worthless. I can't even get an 'I'm fine, how are you?'.

So I truck on and when it comes time to pay all of these tables out, I accidentally switched up two different tables change. I wasn't paying much attention to what I was doing and I gave a woman $3 instead of the $5 that I owed her. This woman meets me in the hall and as rudely as possible, without technically yelling at me, is outraged that I shortchanged her. She continues to tell me that she was planning on tipping me but this is ridiculous. She wouldn't let me get a word in. I tried to say that I was sorry, that it was an accident, that I would never steal $2 from anyone but she wouldn't hear it. She ended up walking back to her table, still 'not yelling' about how I've tried to rob her.

Whoa. What just happened. I hadn't had anyone interested in speaking to me all day and now someone is 'not yelling' at me about stealing money.

I was caught completely off gaurd. Like the little girl that I was in kindergarten, I felt my eyes swell up with tears. Someone was mad at me and I wasn't even trying to do anything wrong.

Instead of holding it in, I decided that this woman should see what she'd done to another human being. All day I had been treated like a robot by hungry strangers and I was fed up.

I ran to the bathroom to let it out. I planned to go to the woman with tears in my eyes so that she would finally hear my apology.

I cry. I wipe away the tears but I've opened some sort of tear-waterfall and they won't stop. As I exit the bathroom and prepare to teach this woman a lesson, I'm approached by someone else. The Hurricane Lady.

Are you kidding me? This was it! This was my opportunity! The woman that comes in twice a week and spends $70 and NEVER LEAVES A TIP! The woman that I've borderline been stalking because she's ruining every servers life was staring into my sad little face!

I had to handle this just right. God has given me a moment that I'll never get again. She then asked me, "Are you alright?" (...which sort of pisses me of because it makes me think that she's a nice person when I want nothing more than to hate her for being a non-tipper...) and I open my mouth. I want to tell her that one of my tables did this to me, that I'm not a robot, that we hate it when we see her walk through the door. Instead, I utter the words... "I'm fine".

I walked away. I really screwed that up.

Back on my mission, I go to the mean woman with a few tears still on my face. I apologize and really ham up the fact that I've been crying and I tell her that it was an accident as I hand her the extra $2 I owed her.

Done. I did what I set out to do and missed a huge chance to finally end the 'Hurricane Lady' fiasco along the way. I would've been such a hero.

Either way, the bitch that accused me of stealing a tip ended up leaving me all of the change that I brought her. It kinda feels like crying my way out of a speeding ticket but whatever works.

Someday Hurricane Lady... someday...

The Best of Times/The Worst of Times

2009-04-26T02:39:00.003-05:00

I have had so much fun as a waitress. Every crazy night is usually surrounded by people that I've worked with over and over and love each of them for the people that they are.

Every restaurant's the same. Characters.

At mine, I have the best.

I've got the comic book guy, the potheads, the slowest waiter at doing anything ever, the guy that knows everything about everything, the lazy's, the rookies, the skaters, the vets, the guys that stay for one table instead of giving it to the closer, the non-prebussers, the guys that don't put on deodorant before their busy shift and then sweat all night while you share a sidestation... and I love them all.

Most long shifts evolve into some sort of entertainment to pass downtime. Usually just funny stories about the most random shit ever. Tonight I bounced a bouncy ball with three other servers and ended up learning the physics of why a bounce ball is bouncy... and became 'the girl that can't catch'. Sometimes we play Capture the Flag when we're slow. Sometimes we movie quote. I feel the phrase 'Same shit. Different day' is fitting for these situations.

But then... every once in a while... there's that person. That brussel sprout of a person that you just can't stand.

So then I think...

F'n dammit. I do not like this bitch.

I guess in any industry there will always be that person that no one can get along with. The person that is just there and just doesn't know about how the whole 'social skills' thing works.

Back-Asswards

2009-04-24T21:04:00.004-05:00

The establishment that I work for follows a procedure called Team Waiting, such a charming way to let the senior servers know that they're doomed.

Team Waiting is a concept so that instead of having one server, the customer has several. In the end, each server divvies up the tips that they've received with their team and all is supposed to be happy and good and rainbows sprout out as servers exit the building with pockets full of money.

Sounds good on paper.

In the real world, team waiting turns out to be an ideal job for the lazy people who don't mind standing up for a few hours. A normal night consists of a 6 person team with 2 doing the work. Sweating, walking 4 miles, spilling condiments in their apron, being as nice as possible to angry, hungry people... and after all that... the server finds out that another team member only had two tables the whole night.

No rainbows sprout out when you realize you just worked your ass off and made the same as some tool on his first night. I wonder how these slackers sleep at night.

I can't blame the rookies, they don't know any better. Never been a server 'til now and they're making the same income as the veterans. They sorta hit the jackpot.

I guess I'm the idiot for putting up with this shit... but what happened to seniority? Any other company would reward their employees for the time and effort they've given. They would reward urgency. They would reward years of dedication. They would reward employees that actually care about customer perception. They would reward the fact that the frontline knows what they're doing.

Any other company would.

Servers need a bailout. Hell, if AIG got one after screwing up America, why can't people who actually work and do a good job get a hand out?

Ugh... Another Saturday Night

2009-04-19T01:15:00.003-05:00

After a bird flying into my windshield as I drive to work and drinking an unhealthy amount of Red Bull, I sat on the ass-end of the restaurant and smoked several cigarettes. I was way too early for my shift and I just can't help my bad habit after that much caffeine.

As I sit killing myself via Parliament Lights, I noticed the sewer outside had once again spewed human waste into the parking lot, which is sure to fill up with customers tonight. I mentioned it to a few people because I wouldn't even drive my car through it and I thought maybe toilet paper that has already been used should be removed from directly next to the restaurant. My opinion wasn't important I guess. Whatever. That's only the beginning.

I leave the sewage problem behind me and enter the building only to find out that I have two hours before I can expect my first table. Ugh. What the hell should I do now after I drank that much Red Bull.

The next two hours consist of me spilling four trays of Ranch in a refrigerator, watching as the kitchen staff huddles around a cell phone to watch porn, staring at a wall for five minutes, walking into a conversation about 'Wenis's' (I learned that's what we're calling the skin you can pinch off your elbow when your arm is bent), and table that has his hand down his girlfriends pants.

I considered just trying to get cut after this crap. Instead I stayed for more of this circus-ish shit... hoping it'll be financially worth it in the end.

I wound up having enough tables to keep me occupied and I was happy with the people working with me. Then... some crazy drunkard made a huge scene and got kicked out, banged on the exit doors (even though she coulda walked around to the entrance and got right in) and I thought she was going to punch the manager.

Finally. My night was about to be over. I wanted to smoke again. I went out and the sewage had only worsened. It reeked of shit. Human waste that had been spilling into the parking lot for hours. NOW I heard the MOD on the phone about the problem.

I made $54 dollars after all is done. And I spent half of it at the beer store.

I should have gotten cut. Exclude circus-like events from my life. I can honestly say that if I'd seen a bearded woman, a juggler, a clown, a fucking elephant or an acrobat... it wouldn't surprise me.

Kids Say The Darndest Things

2009-04-17T20:58:00.000-05:00

I worked a sixth grade field trip party today and as I was eavesdropping on the childrens conversations, I wondered if I had ever told the stories these eleven year olds were telling.

The First
This one began after two boys saw a picture of a margarita on the screen. One boy turns to the other and says, "Margaritas are good at first because they kinda taste like a Lemon Ice but the aftertaste is like dog crap because of all the alcohol."
What?
I looked over to where the adults were sitting about 20 feet away and they were too involved in their own talk to have noticed anything unusual. And by the way, their conversation was b-o-r-i-n-g, I had no interest in eavesdropping on them.
So, I thought about it for a few minutes and told a few other servers and then thought that would be my 'funny thing that happened' today.

The Second
This one began as I was straightening up the buffet line which was located near a group of girls. One of the little girls says to her friend, 'Ya know what I learned today?' and I thought, 'How nice. This kid went to school today, paid attention in class and was excited to tell her friend about it.'.
No, no, no. She proceeded to tell the other little girl that she found out today what 'blue balls' means. Then said, "I knew that happened to boys but I never knew there was a term for it."
So once again, I thought about it for a bit and then ran to tell other servers.

The Third
This one began after one of the girls cell phone rang. (by the way, kids cell phones really creep me out) Although I could only hear half of the conversation, I got the gist. It went like this:
"So today, I was riding my bike, and then it finally happened."
(pause... for other probably crazy, hormonally charged preteen on phone)
"I know! I had to buy Maxi pads and everything!"

What the hell kind of elementary school was this? I left half way through the event but I'm sure I missed, oh I don't know... a full out discussion of what types of condoms they prefer or a debate over what everyone thought of Debbie Does Dallas. I'd hate to think that these kids ever get to hang out without adults around.

When I was eleven I lost a tooth playing Keep-Away with a rock. (I was the person in the middle) I don't remember anything like what I was mixed in with today.

It's Like They're From Another Planet

2009-04-15T00:23:00.000-05:00

I approached the table thinking it'd be really quick. I didn't even plan on writing anything down, I was just going to try and remember. They already had their drinks, I needed to get the order and then tend to my other tables. The conversation went as follows:

Me: "Are you two ready to order?"

Alien Woman: "Yes, I'll have the Nachos and the Hot Dog."

Me: "Alright, and for you, sir?"

Alien Man: "Can you tell me the difference between the Grilled Chicken Sandwich and the Fried Chicken Sandwich?"

Me (perplexed): "Well sir, the Fried Chicken Sandwich is battered and then deep-fried and the other is cooked over an open flame."

Alien Man: "So, does it come with bread?"

Me (a little more perplexed): "Yes, it's a sandiwch so it is served on a bun."

Alien Man: "And it says here that it's served with Country Gravy. What is that?"

Me (still perplexed): "It's white gravy that comes on the side. You can put it on your sandwich, dip your sandwich in it, or I can leave it off."

Alien Woman: "But what is Country Gravy?"

Me (frustrated): "Umm... (long pause) it is a sauce made of flour and water. I think sometimes it is made with milk."

Alien Man: "Well, tell me how big the Southwestern Wrap is."

Me (seems like I've been taking this order for 10 minutes): "It's a good size. Comes in halves and is sort of similar to a burrito."

Alien Man: "What does it mean here when it says that it is served cold?"

Me (back to frustration and looking around at all of the other tables that need so much by now): "That means that it comes out cold, not warm. We cannot heat this item because it contains mayonnaise. It would make people sick to eat warm mayonnaise."

Alien Man: "Ok, can you just heat the wrap and not the mayonnaise?"

Me (this is getting out of control, I'm going to lose it): "I'm sorry sir, they are already wrapped and this cannot be modified."

Alien Man: "I guess I'll have the Grilled Chicken Sandwich. No lettuce, mayonnaise on the side, with pepper jack cheese."

In what universe are any of the questions that I was asked normal? I tried so hard to respond without making them feel like idiots, but I'm sure I failed miserably. I wonder if they have these problems every time they go to out to eat. Have other servers been as stunned at their stupidity as me? Do you think they may have asked other servers something like, 'What is Pepsi?' or 'What is a fork?'.
I don't know how these people make it through a day.

A Life Less Worthy

2009-04-14T02:46:00.000-05:00

I know that I've mentioned to everyone over and over... how long I've worked at my job. I'm 2 months shy of 7 years. And also the fact that I've been in the restaurant chaos for 10 years now, well it'll be 10 years 2 months from now.
To be 100% honest, I do the best that I can at this sort of career. I only try so hard because I think it would be so incredibly embarrassing to have done this for so long and not do it extremely well. However, recent management decisions have made me realize that all of the effort that I've put in, and all of the importance and urgency and sacrifices I have invested in the company have been so quickly forgotten.
Let me give you the short version...
I asked my General Manager (who I've known since he was a runner at our job) if he'd add me into the bar staff. I did not ask to be head bar, just the newbie to the bar so that I could have something sort of different to do, and I knew I'd be good at it. I'm a bit used to and sick of suggesting food that I don't even like to people I don't even know. Either way, the position went to a 20 year old guy that has worked there for maybe almost a year. Not me. Nothing against the guy, he's not that bad. Other than the fact that he comes to work his shift on 4-bars.

I got passed over.

I don't think I should be that mad because it's not like I'm competing for a corporate position or anything. But it is incredibly insulting and it's done.

Grown Ass Drunks

2009-04-11T23:46:00.001-05:00

It's amazing to me to see adults that can't handle their booze in a public place. Don't get me wrong, I'm no stranger to the drinking life, I am a server. But I like to think that I hold my composure when I'm out. Of course I have my moments, I once fell over a couch in slow motion... but I was at home, no strangers saw that.
Tonight I waited on three men pushing forty that were so wasted, I was embarrassed to be their waitress. It's like, I thought that by being their waitress all of my other tables were gonna think I was friends with them. These guys actually stood up in the theater while the movie was playing and had about a five minute conversation, quite loudly. They actually told me that they couldn't read their tab because they think they may have had too much to drink. They actually called me over and said, 'Will you say the name Mr. Barnhart?'. To which I replied, 'I'm sorry, sir?'. They insisted three times that I utter the name... I finally did... I felt like an idiot. I am ashamed of myself but I didn't know how else to get out of there.
They ended up tipping me $10 on a $36 tab. The funny thing is that I would have paid $10 for them to choose a different restaurant to go to tonight.

I guess my point is that it is sort of expected for the younger drinker to act ridiculous. I had a friend that literally parked himself (not his car, his body) in a space in front of a bar and used the curb as a pillow... then went to sleep. I believe this was the same night that he sat at the table with all of us and yelled out how much he liked ranch and anyone who liked mustard can suck it. But that was completely fine! He was about 22 at the time and we all had a good laugh. It's a totally different situation when it's an adult acting like the virgin drinker. Double standards maybe. Or maybe I think differently of it when I'm part of the party and not on the outside looking in.

What Would You Say?

2009-04-10T22:46:00.000-05:00

Last night, an older couple asked me this question... 'How big is the Nathan's Hot Dog?'.

In my head, I decided I would not use hand jestures to describe the length and girth of the hot dog for obvious reasons.
However, I failed and spread two index fingers about 6 inches apart.
Thinking that I'd surely described it enough and this madness was over, the wife then proceeded to ask me how thick the hot dog was... and made her fingers into wide O shapes.
I told her that that seemed about right, and got out of there as soon as possible.

Is it possible that this couple in particular gets their jolly's off to stuff like this? I think I was victimized.